only if we run a train.
done.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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