im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
