I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
soo... how was my night?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
