I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the condom got lost in my hair
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
