Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
