Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
