there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
