i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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