maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
