I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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