So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize