apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
