i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
