And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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