here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
