and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
