Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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