I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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