The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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