After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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