My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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