I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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