im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
