Girls should come with a carfax report
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
