what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
