Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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