things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize