Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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