he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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