I hate all girls vehemently.
I have demons in me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
