I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
