you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
We smell like vodka and hangover
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
