a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize