i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
nutella sex= disaster
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
