I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I wear drunk well.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
