I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
