My sheets look like a crime scene.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
