Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
