someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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