Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
