You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize