I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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