your room smells of hookers.
And success
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
