The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
