Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
