Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You are a genius and a whore.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
