Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
