You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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