Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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