Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
