Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
