You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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