I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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