absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
