i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
love makes seman taste better
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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