The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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