At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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