Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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