is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
