She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
