Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize