tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize