Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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