We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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