You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I would fuck him just for his dog
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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