i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize