How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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