From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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