..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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