I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
