Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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