1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
