is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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