I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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