She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
