i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
