An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
