so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
