Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
