Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
