3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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