I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
