Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize