There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
