filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
