Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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