Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
