We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
