Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
