Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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