I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
