from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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