I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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