I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
